Age of Maturity

 

I rarely get introspective in life but yeah, after things begin tofit in their proper places and you discover that what you hold dearly all your life is nothing but a puff of wind, and the things you invested on are not really as valuable as you thought they would be. I remember investing on books only to find them very cheap in the second hand bookstores. I invested in gadgets only to discover they are worthless in less than a year. I invested in material things that held zero value at the end. Being matured as I am now, I know better. Age teach people and I guess that’s where I stand nowadays.

 

In my caseload I meet people of different backgrounds. Most are middle class, every now and then there is an indigent, and occasionally, one that belongs to the upper class. I remember in particular a very special patient, a Harvard educated lawyer, very successful and yet there he was all by himself, relying on an aide who values only the money he pays her and he was very lonely despite multiple marriages and equally successful children and grandchildren.

 

There are so many lonely people in this world who, despite their relative successes haven’t found true happiness.

 

Yesterday I met with K who was had a major fight with his girlfriend in front of me. I have warned K longtime ago NOT to invest too much love emotion onher. Time and time again I told him,“you cannot own someone, you can not turn her into a robot that will act and feel the way you expect her to.” I may be jaded and admittedly never been through‘all –out’ love and I may have no right to proclaim I am better than other lovers but my goodness, I have limits if I fall in love. I don’t think the one I love would want me falling apart when it’s over. Idon’t the one I love would be happy if I start monitoring all her moves. That can be creepy, frightening and downward stupid. To love someone to the point of abandoning self-dignity and self-respect or to be so heart sick that I start stalking her, that is pretty much criminal and no matter how much obsessed and in love and romantic you think you are, that is still sick in my book.

 

Having someone is just as good as letting go especially when love gets so stale and one sided. When one falls out of love, the other should let go and move along.

 

It’s funny I haven’t really thought much about love until I hanged out with K yesterday. While watching their love fight, ( I was more a referee than a spectator), I couldn’t help but think, “Am I to stay put watching this idiocy or should I go somewhere?”

 

Really, what’s the point of people’svery personal matters being revealed to me like I were a judge?

 

That was the time I remembered my Harvard patient who was so lonely in this world. How can people waste their time in petty quarrels and vendettas and agonies and endless argumentation when in the end, what matters is only your own self’s preservation and happiness? Who will remember your fights, your awards, your jokes, your deep emotional love, your investments, your wealth, your intelligence, your good looks, your ability to lead and win when in the end, you are there sitting on a wheelchair taken cared of by an aide who is there because you are paying? Why won’t I invest on what is truly valuable – my peace, my sanity, my health, my spiritual sustenance?

 

In the middle of their lovers’ fight, I hurriedly left because I wanted to run in the park. I wanted to complete an 11 mile run before I go to sleep.