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One Particular Step
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Alright, I finally found a moment to sit down - the whole week was so busy that - I was not able to do any work out three days in a row. Yeah, after the swim last Monday, the next work out I managed was a three mile run a while back. I quit after three because I needed to get a new battery for my glucose reading meter so I can resume my sugar monitoring. Hopefully I can squeeze in some work-outs in the next couple of days.
I am really proud of my current blood readings. People I know that are in the 'know' including myself long theorized that sugar and cholesterol can never be solved by diet and exercise alone. There must be some medication somewhere. I am not trying to prove anybody wrong but based on my experience, it is possible. The question is - how long can I maintain this?
This is perhaps the biggest puzzle which can only be answered by faith. Who knows what the future holds but if one has faith, no matter the persuasion, it is easy to assume the best prospects. Being spiritual and having faith is logically very healthy. It gives me peace of mind. It provides me an optimism even for the world beyond. People like me, who had been described as superstitious and fatalistic more than once, still possess a lot of hope no matter how unrealistic. It pushes me to take a leap of faith.
It is all about peace of mind.
As I reach the more mature age the more peaceful I become. Gone are the days of searching for everything elusive: money, love, intelligence, good looks, social life, wild life. I am gravitated to the more introspective, geeky kind'a sporty lifestyle. And this may not be your kind of lifestyle but let me tell you that it is fun.
Sometimes I get lazy to get out to run or work-out but what pushes me, besides my diabetes/cholesterol, are the many patients I have in my caseload. How, in their infirmities and limitations struggle so hard to achieve something as little as walking to the bathroom or being able to stand without failure or being able to climb the stairs. How much they are willing to give just so they could take another step without fear of losing balance and falling.
Thinking of them, I find it truly amazing that I can run no matter how slow, that I can swim no matter how cold the water is, that I can still drive to the gym or the bookstore, that I can still spend a couple of hours with friends talking and thinking normal. How many people would give everything so they could enjoy what I enjoy?
Stroke is such a devastating accident. And it is so easy to have. All you need is to be lazy, eat the wrong food to obesity and ignore high blood pressure and voila, you are on a wheelchair wishing to be independent even just for a day. Diabetes is so sneaky that by the time you learn about it you probably have damaged some of your precious physical normalcy - there is damage to your eyes, your feeling in the legs, dry skin, destroyed gums and teeth, susceptibility to infections, possible amputations. Worse, you may be needing dialysis.
Stroke and Diabetes can be so foreign to our ears until they hit us bullseye and they become a traitor and heavy stone tied to our bodies for the rest of our lives.
We always talk about non-dealing with traitors/terrorists - these are exactly that. And there is only one way to win over them: being healthy and living a peaceful life. I will talk more about this as I move along in this web site.
Age of Maturity
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Age of Maturity
I rarely get introspective in life but yeah, after things begin tofit in their proper places and you discover that what you hold dearly all your life is nothing but a puff of wind, and the things you invested on are not really as valuable as you thought they would be. I remember investing on books only to find them very cheap in the second hand bookstores. I invested in gadgets only to discover they are worthless in less than a year. I invested in material things that held zero value at the end. Being matured as I am now, I know better. Age teach people and I guess that’s where I stand nowadays.
In my caseload I meet people of different backgrounds. Most are middle class, every now and then there is an indigent, and occasionally, one that belongs to the upper class. I remember in particular a very special patient, a Harvard educated lawyer, very successful and yet there he was all by himself, relying on an aide who values only the money he pays her and he was very lonely despite multiple marriages and equally successful children and grandchildren.
There are so many lonely people in this world who, despite their relative successes haven’t found true happiness.
Yesterday I met with K who was had a major fight with his girlfriend in front of me. I have warned K longtime ago NOT to invest too much love emotion onher. Time and time again I told him,“you cannot own someone, you can not turn her into a robot that will act and feel the way you expect her to.” I may be jaded and admittedly never been through‘all –out’ love and I may have no right to proclaim I am better than other lovers but my goodness, I have limits if I fall in love. I don’t think the one I love would want me falling apart when it’s over. Idon’t the one I love would be happy if I start monitoring all her moves. That can be creepy, frightening and downward stupid. To love someone to the point of abandoning self-dignity and self-respect or to be so heart sick that I start stalking her, that is pretty much criminal and no matter how much obsessed and in love and romantic you think you are, that is still sick in my book.
Having someone is just as good as letting go especially when love gets so stale and one sided. When one falls out of love, the other should let go and move along.
It’s funny I haven’t really thought much about love until I hanged out with K yesterday. While watching their love fight, ( I was more a referee than a spectator), I couldn’t help but think, “Am I to stay put watching this idiocy or should I go somewhere?”
Really, what’s the point of people’svery personal matters being revealed to me like I were a judge?
That was the time I remembered my Harvard patient who was so lonely in this world. How can people waste their time in petty quarrels and vendettas and agonies and endless argumentation when in the end, what matters is only your own self’s preservation and happiness? Who will remember your fights, your awards, your jokes, your deep emotional love, your investments, your wealth, your intelligence, your good looks, your ability to lead and win when in the end, you are there sitting on a wheelchair taken cared of by an aide who is there because you are paying? Why won’t I invest on what is truly valuable – my peace, my sanity, my health, my spiritual sustenance?
In the middle of their lovers’ fight, I hurriedly left because I wanted to run in the park. I wanted to complete an 11 mile run before I go to sleep.
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